How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Al Green asked, Here’s the A to Al’s Q!

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Have you ever gone through a breakup?  You know that guy.  The man you date because he seems like he may be a good fit, only to find out he is so wrong for you.  If you are like me, you have had that experience once or twice.  It is an interesting place to be.  There are lots of lessons to be learned.  That soil is rich.  In order to learn the lesson, one must be willing to learn.  It requires a great deal of awareness.

Also, if you are like me, you might choose to leave those lessons and opt to learn them at another time.  The truth is if there a lesson to be learned, that is your life assignment of the moment.
No amount ignoring the circumstance and wishing for a different circumstance will do.  We must do our work and keep our eyes on our own paper.

I’m going to answer Al’s question.

First, be gentle with yourself.  Be kind.  This is the first rule of all  relationships, it is a good rule for how to relate to yourself as well.  Remember, no one can care for you or treat you any better that you demand of yourself.  As you reflect on the place you are, speak only words of loving kindness to yourself.  Consider what you might say to your little sister dealing with a heartbreak and say that to yourself.  Be your own big sister.  This is part of that rich soil.  No one is going treat any better than you treat yourself.

Make a declaration to the Universe, “I deserve loving kindness.” Then, give yourself time to heal.

Next, be honest with yourself.  This is not the time to demonize your former sweetheart. Nor it the time to beat yourself up.  Self-reflection is good. Self-flagellation is not helpful,  refer to rule number one.

When you are finally ready to move on and are confused about how to make that happen follow these three final steps:

Stop telling the story

There is power in your words.  Your friends and family may ask for all of the juicy details of how your former relationship failed.   Resist the urge to tell and retell the story of how you were done wrong.  Keep your eyes focused on your healing.  Each repetition of the story delays your healing and prolongs the hurt.

Lose Your Fascination with the Story

Don’t dwell on the failure.  Every party must come to an end.  Put a limit on the length of this pity party.  Your awareness is the key to all happiness.  Notice where you are placing your attention.  Don’t allow yourself to replay every conversation. Stop the mental argument and imaginary battles.  Don’t do it. Dwell in this moment.  Gently bring yourself and your mind to this instant.  Remember to breathe and remember your breath.   This is not woo, woo nonsense.

Our bodies are wonderful, miraculous instruments.  How is possible to not marvel at the beauty of and the nourishment of our breath?   Each breath is a miracle.  When we feel like we can’t go on, we don’t have to do anything.  Our bodies take care of us.  Our heart that seems broken keeps beating.  Our lungs that seem constricted keep circulating oxygen.  Marvel at and be grateful for life expressing as you in this instant.

Look for the Good

Every life experience offers the opportunity for growth.  Our human experiences are our teachers.  We are required to remain awake and aware in order to harvest from the soil the lessons meant for us to learn.  Many counselors and teachers suggest that every relationship has to potential to teach us vital information about ourselves,  to equip us for our next relationship and a new teacher.

Ideally, if you are able to truly look for and find the good in the situation, that failed relationship will leave you stronger and more aware.  When we look for the good we eventually are able to forgive ourselves for mistakes made and the  love lost.  Look for the good of this apparent circumstance and it will be revealed.  Remember that relationship is preparing you for the love of your life relationship.  Follow these steps and your will be more likely to be ready to receive real love when it comes calling.