Retiring My Helicopter

Welcome to 2020, we’ve already hit the halfway mark for January.

I’m excited about the next decade. When the year 2009 whimpered to a close for me, I was bored to tears. My daughter was my entire world, and she would soon be starting college. I recall muttering to myself, within earshot of my kid, “I could have a life beside parenting her,” and she choked on her tea as she laughed in my face. Truthfully, I needed the convincing. My life was a giant snoozefest. My top concerns were lining up all of her necessities, college tours that she didn’t want to do, scoring Coachella tickets for her, and making sure her prom experience was spectacular. I was a busy body, the ultimate helicopter mom on steroids, doing all of the things.

If she needed art supplies, I never bothered to make a decision. I bought them all: the good, better, and best. She could run an art school and wouldn’t need to buy a thing. Her portfolio was built with my assistance, even if my contribution was invisible on the page.

After she got her driver’s license, I still shuttled her the vast expanse of Los Angeles county, schlepping her to art classes, meetings, and her MOCA internship.

If she had a problem, I tried to fix it.

That nasty personal stuff was the only thing off-limits. I, somehow, managed to remember boundaries when it came to relationships with peers.

Once she left for college, I knew I had to build a life for myself, not just for her but for me. I forced myself to stop building bridges over all of her obstacles.

I teased the question of what my life could be if I centered myself around what I wanted to be, do, and have. It wasn’t an easy process. At first, I transferred my rescued talents to other women, and I invited at least seven different women to stay with me from time to time.

When I looked at my life, it was dismal, and I didn’t know where to begin. Every time someone asked me what I wanted, I would think of someone else. I want to help my cousin increase the annual revenue of her company, or attract more prestigious board members for the art center. Still, I had no idea what I wanted. Guess what, with focused attention both of the companies achieved those goals, and my life was still empty.

In the last decade, I’ve faced my desire. I dared myself to want more.

The hardest, most challenging experiences reaped great rewards. I have met new people, traveled a lot more, and widen my circle. I have met and made friends with people around the world.

I did this by working with a mentor.Studying success and applying what I learned. I love helping people, and now I do that in an organized, effective way.

As a leadership coach and mentor, I get to share all of the fantastic things that I’ve learned.

If you ever want to know more about what I’m up to, I share lots of stuff on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/thehappyblackwomanlawyerproj/

What would you learn and contribute if you centered your life around your desires?

Please share one thing you like to transform in the next year. I read every comment and I love it when you share.

All love and ever grateful,

Lori

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