Hey fam hey. Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast. This is episode nine. Today I give you a prescription for how to have more joy now. Let’s get going.

Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast, a podcast for highly successful visionary women who want more out of life. If you feel that ache of unfulfillment in your soul, you’re in the right place sis. Join life mastery consultant Lori A. Harris as she teaches you how to stop living for others and finally put yourself first. Let’s dive into today’s show.

Recently I had a friend send me a screenshot of something she had enjoyed from the internet. It had a bit about being helpful and trying to release those areas in our life where we might be inclined to show snark or sarcasm. Snark and sarcasm was very common in my former profession as a lawyer. It was just kind of what we did. Some of it was a defensive mechanism. Some of it was just how we were socialized in that community.

What I found is that it’s much better to say things to people to help them to feel good. I decided some time ago that I never wanted to continue to have conversations with people that had to be followed up with, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just kidding.” I endeavor to be more mindful and more thoughtful about the words that I’m speaking. Not only to myself, not only for my thoughts, but also the words that I speak to other people.

So I want to talk to you today about the power of being positive and having a positive mindset. According to Johns Hopkins University and Medical Center, those people who have a positive mindset have a positive impact on their immune system. It raises their immune levels and decreases their stress hormones. Further it helps people to fight cancer and other infectious diseases.

Not only have I found this in my research with John Hopkins, but according to Dr. Bernie Siegel who was an oncologist, a surgeon, and pediatrician in his 1986 book called Love, Medicine, and Miracles, “People who have a powerful mindset and employ the power of positive thinking are better equipped to fight disease.” Bernie Siegel discovered this when he noticed that there was a community of people when given a prognosis that 80% of people who suffered from this illness are likely to die.

He got really curious about those exceptional people. Those people on the other side of the equation. What about that 20%? What are they doing? He went on to study them over years and decades. He found that ultimately having a positive mindset was an important key to fighting and surviving life threatening illnesses such as cancer. Not only does a positive mindset have an enhanced effect on one’s health, it also helps people and their interactions in the workplace.

You’ve likely heard that quote from Maya Angelo. “People may forget the things that you’ve said, but they will never forget the way that you make them feel.” So give some thought to what kind of energy are you bringing to any room? What kind of person are you being? How are you showing up when you come into a space? Are you someone that lifts people up? Are you someone that brings energy down? Are you someone that is constantly gossiping, criticizing, and complaining? Are you someone that’s a problem solver? That thinks critically and creatively in order to bring about creative solutions.

You can decide who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. When you bring positivity to every room and every situation, watch how your life expands and is enhanced. So what would happen if you gave up criticizing, complaining, or comparing, or gossiping? What would happen to your life? What would you do?

Well, I’m suggesting that we fast for 30 days. 30 days from complaining. Now, normally, with complaints there’s two ways it can go. We can either release a little bit of the pressure of the frustration of knowing something or hearing something or observing something that is not pleasing to us. There is a desire to release the pressure by sharing it, but we can contain that negative energy, that negative flow. We don’t have to share it and give it to someone else. We can contain it. Or the opposite is not to contain it and to allow it to erupt.

So if we’re not going to allow an eruption, let’s move towards an evolution. What might an evolution look like? Well, if something happens and it’s negative and it sends you into your own thoughts, and it makes you feel something that you would prefer to share, perhaps you could write it down. Take the time to write down, “I am upset that this thing happened.” Reflect on what the occurrence was and how it made you feel.

Then the next thing you might do is in your journal or on this piece of paper then ask yourself, “Well, what could I do about this situation? What’s one thing I could do about this situation that would allow me to feel better and allow me to feel like I’m part of a solution rather than spreading additional negativity from, “I observed it. I saw it. I heard it. Now I feel bad, and now I’m spreading it to other people so they can feel bad too.” No. Instead we’re going to contain it. Process it ourselves and look for a solution.

I once dated a man for a period of time, and this relationship just seemed to be going nowhere. He would send me these YouTube videos of all kinds of catastrophes and calamities and chaos around the world. When I would receive them, it didn’t feel good. I would watch them because I knew it was likely he was going to ask me, “Well, what’d you think about that?” So the last time he sent me one, rather than just feel bad about it, I said, “So, what are you going to do about that?”

It wasn’t a threat or a confrontation, but it was an opportunity from my point of view to lift the conversation into something more positive and productive. You know what his response was? This relationship that had been going nowhere. I never heard from him again. So when given an opportunity for us to get on the “ain’t it awful train” and I declined and said, “Well, what can we do instead?” This person said, “Let’s exit stage right.”

So if you are presented with an opportunity to share something that makes you want to complain, that sparks feelings of frustrations or negativity. Rather than share it, write it down. Keep it to yourself. Then ask yourself well, what’s one thing I could do in response to this? If you can’t think of something right away, keep writing. Writing about what you feel. Writing about your observations. Writing about the thoughts that it causes you to have, and keep writing until you come up with a viable solution. I assure you that if you stick with it, something will come to you.

So now that you’ve had this conversation and you’ve thought about this negative occurrence. You’ve examined and said, “This is how it makes me feel. This is why I don’t like the situation.” You’ve asked yourself the question, “Well, what can I do? What could I do to alleviate the situation? What could I do to be helpful?” In so doing you create an opportunity for transformation, for your own evolution and to evolve the situation. This is an opportunity for transmutation to change that which was once negative into a positive. Then once you come up with one or two things you could do, this is your opportunity to serve it.

So there are those of us who are concerned right now about the American withdrawal of troops and forces in Afghanistan, and the afghani people that were assistance to the Americans. What’s to happen to them? How can these people be assisted? Well, rather than complain about the situation and the withdraw and how it might have gone better, perhaps we can all join in asking yourself, “Well, what could I do to make this situation better?” Come up with a list of things.

You could, perhaps, contact organizations in your own community and see if they provide services to refugees. You could contact the American Red Cross or other organizations that are collecting funds or resources to provide services to people that will need assistance. Perhaps you could donate to the VA or to a mental health organization that might be serving the people that have been impacted by the conflict in Afghanistan. So rather than think about “ain’t it awful” let’s take the time to think about, “Well, what could I do to make things better.”

So what are we doing? We’re fasting from complaining, comparing, and criticizing. We’re pausing to ask ourselves a more empowering question. Well, what could I do in the situation to move this condition into a positive direction, one that enhances the experiences of myself and my neighbors, and helps me to feel good about this occurrence.

Finally I leave you with this tip. If ever you’re in doubt about something you could do in order to bring positivity to a situation or a condition or your awareness, always remember you need not wait for something to happen to express gratitude. You can generate gratitude in any moment. In so doing, recalibrate yourself to feel better, to be better, and to bring positive energy to any situation, room, or condition. Generate gratitude.

Now as a bonus for you, I have a tip. I have an app. It’s available in the Apple Store and in Google Play. You can go to the app store and just look up gratitude train. You’ve heard of the Underground Railroad, the Soul Train, or the love train. Well, this is the Gratitude Train. When I created it, I imagined enveloping the world in gratitude.

When you download the app, you get a daily prompt from me that gives you a new way of thinking about gratitude. I believe in a new and unusual perspective on things that we can generate gratitude for. Then you have an opportunity to record your gratitude in your own private journal on your smartphone or smart device. Gratitude Train. It’s free, and it’s quite helpful. I’ve had clients download the app from all over the English speaking world from India, Sri Lanka, and the African continent and all over the United States. People love the app.

I invite you to download the app in order to lift your own mood. You can record what you’re grateful for in the morning. You can record what you’re grateful for in the afternoon. Come up with three things you’re grateful for in the evening, and then add two more in the morning. Then you will have five things to be grateful for. I tell you. It is guaranteed to make you feel better, to lift your mood, and to bring positive energy not only into your life, but you become a force of positivity to encounter.

Thank you for listening to the Unlock Your Life podcast. At this time I want to remind you that we are celebrating the launch of this podcast. I am giving away a $50 Amazon gift card. I’m going to be giving it to five lucky listeners who subscribe, follow, rate, and review the show. Now it doesn’t have to be a five star review, but I would love to hear what you’re enjoying about the show and what you think I could do to make it better. I aim to bring great value to you and to this podcast. I want to make it something that lifts you up and makes the world a better place. You can help me by giving me your feedback. I’d love to hear from you.

You can find out more about the podcast launch contest at loriaharris.com/podcastlaunch. It will give you a chance to subscribe, follow, rate, and review the show. I can’t wait to hear from you. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast this week. Remember. It’s your life. Make it a great one.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. If you want more information on how you can transform your life and do it quickly, visit loriaharris.com. See it on the next episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast.