Category: Podcast

Unlock Your Life with Lori A. Harris | The Peace of the Release

Ep #11: The Peace of the Release

Unlock Your Life with Lori A. Harris | The Peace of the Release

It is said that if an arrow hits you, you will feel the pain in the part of your body where the arrow strikes. But if a second arrow comes and strikes at the same point, the pain will not only double, it will become ten times more intense.

There will always be things in our lives that we perceive to be negative – things that happen to us that we would prefer not to happen. But we get to decide how we’re going to manage our thoughts about those things, and we can choose to let go of what doesn’t serve us to have more peace. We can choose not to fire the second arrow.

In this episode, I’m showing you how to find peace in the release of thoughts that no longer serve you, turn down the volume on your discomfort and pain and focus on being more present in your life. I’m sharing five tips to help you feel more present and showing you how to let go of negativity so you can move forward and live a life that you love.

To celebrate the launch of this show, I am giving away a soft, cushy Unlock Your Life hoody to 5 lucky listeners who follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more about the contest and how to enter – I’ll be announcing the winner on an upcoming episode!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The importance of taking good care of yourself.
  • What mindfulness is and how it can positively impact your life.
  • How to set the stage for your day.
  • A breathing exercise to help you when you feel anxious.
  • What it means to have peace of release.
  • How to look for evidence that things are getting better.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • To celebrate the launch of this show, I am giving away a soft, cushy Unlock Your Life hoody to 5 lucky listeners who follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more about the contest and how to enter – I’ll be announcing the winner on an upcoming episode!
  • Ep #10: Building a Stronger Self-Image

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome back. This is episode 11 of the Unlock Your Life podcast. Today we’re talking about the peace of the release, letting go so that you can have peace in your life and move forward and live a life that you love. Let’s get going.

Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast, a podcast for highly successful visionary women who want more out of life. If you feel that ache of unfulfillment in your soul, you’re in the right place sis. Join life mastery consultant Lori A. Harris as she teaches you how to stop living for others and finally put yourself first. Let’s dive into today’s show.

So hey fam. Hey. Have you ever fallen down an internet wormhole? That’s what happened to me this week. I was excited to see one of my favorite peloton instructors is going to be Dancing on the Stars. So I was looking at that story, and then I fell into a wormhole. Guess what I found out? According to the magical National Day Calendar, September is Self-Awareness Month. I think it’s so timely and perfect. I’m pretty excited about it.

So what’s going on with you? For me I’m considering what does it mean to have the peace of release? Just really letting it go, letting go of all the perceptions and mental activities that we get into that cause our own suffering. The last time we got together in episode 10, I talked to you about the power of your own self-image and building your own self-image. Because according to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, we cannot outperform our self-image, but we can improve it. We can change it. That starts with being away. Working on and building a stronger sense of awareness.

So as Henry Ford says, “Think you, think you can’t, you’re right.” So we’re building that muscle of believing in ourselves, believing in our capabilities, believing in our dreams. Right now we’re going to talk about the peace of release. Letting go of those thoughts that no longer serve us. With that I’m going to share with you one of my favorite teaching stories. It’s known as The Arrow.

It said that if an arrow hits you, you will feel the pain in the part of your body where the arrow hit. If a second arrow comes and strikes exactly at the same point, the pain will not only double, it will become at least 10 times more intense. Now the teaching part of this story is to know that there is going to be a time in our lives when things happen. Things that we prefer not to happen. It matters how we regulate and manage the feelings that are associated with the benefits of our lives.

So if you have something happen, you lose an object, you make a mistake, you have a negative experience at work. You could spend time thinking about it and ruminating about it, and then saying negative things to yourself about it. That would be the second arrow. When you attack yourself with negative self-judgments. How could I have been so stupid? Or if you allow yourself to dive close and far into the future…Oh, if I feel this badly now, how bad is it going to feel next week or next month. What if this pain never goes away? That is the pain of the second arrow.

So if you can allow yourself just to be in this particular moment and notice what you’re feeling in this moment, you can therefore turn down the volume of your own discomfort. Turn down the volume of your own pain. I love the second arrow. I love the lesson of the second arrow because it reminds us that we have a choice. We get to decide how we’re going to feel at any given moment. So there is a lesson in mindfulness. Mindfulness is being observant of where you are right here and right now. If you find that your thoughts are taking you away into a negative place, you can bring yourself back to center.

So the first arrow is the stimulating event, the thing that happened. It’s the thing that will cause some degree of pain. The second arrow, we fire that one ourselves. It’s our reaction. It’s the story we’re telling ourselves. It’s the anxiety that we build around an event. So I always like to say worrying doesn’t mean you care. Worrying doesn’t prove anything. It’s just further extending the suffering of a negative event. It’s not helpful. It’s our job to notice and decide to respond in a different way.

“But Lori, but how?” Well, one thing we can do is check in with ourselves. We can ask ourself an empowering question. Is it happening now? If you’re projecting out into the future or ruminating on the past, you can bring yourself back to center. Mindfulness is recognizing what is here in this present moment? One of the things that I like to do in order to keep myself in the present moment is what I like to call narrating the day. Narrating the day is just coming back to this present moment.

So one of the things I used to do when I was working in an office is when I walk from the parking lot rather than allowing myself to get worked up about going back into my workplace, I would remind myself to be in this moment. I would just notice what was I doing at this particular moment?

So I would mentally say to myself, “Right now all I’m doing is gathering my things as I get ready to go to the office. Right now all I’m doing is talking to the corner. Right now all I’m doing is walking across the street. I’m in the crosswalk. Oh I’m in the white part. Oh now I’m in the black part. Oh now I’m in the white part. I’ve crossed the street.” When I get to the building, I allow myself to pass through security and I get into the elevator.

I kind of imagine that you could use this podcast as a moment of centering yourself. Each one of these episodes are about 15 minutes long. I would love it if you use these podcast episodes as a way to bring yourself back to center. To remind yourself.

So imagine you’re listening to me. I’m in your headphones. You have your earbuds in. You push the button for the elevator. You get in the elevator, and you see all the people in the elevator with you. You keep your earbuds in because occasionally there are people in that elevator that might be inclined to be a button pusher. You know those people. The people that have something negative to say. Something to get your engine going. You just don’t want to be bothered.

You can keep your earbuds in. People use earbuds on the subway, when they’re walking. It’s a signal to the world that I’m not here for you and all your nonsense. Don’t come to me with that. It’s something you could do too. So you’re setting the stage for your today. So think about it. How do you want to show up for yourself?

Now another thing that I want to share with you is a breathing exercise. As you know, there was a time when I was a criminal defense attorney. It’s not uncommon to have clients who are in custody to experience anxiety and have difficulty moving forwards. I always tried to offer some compassion to those clients when they were in that moment. So we would do a breathing exercise so that I can bring them back to center. I’m going to share that exercise with you. It’s something that when you’re doing it, you have to bring your full attention to it. You don’t have time to think about anything else. You and I are going to do it right now. So hang on to your hats.

This breathing exercise is called the box method. Basically what you do is you inhale for four, you hold for seven, and you exhale for eight. Inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight. Let’s do it together. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. How was that for you?  I would love for you to try to remember the box method as you go forward and go through your day. If you find yourself feeling a little bit of discomfort or anxiety, come back to the box method.

Now what is something else you could do in order to bring yourself back to center, bring yourself down from feeling some anxiousness and not impose the pain of the second arrow? Not ruminate on the past or forward think into a negative future? Well, one thing you could do is really quick. It’s just hold onto a piece of cloth from your clothing. You could grab the corner of your shirt and just rub it. Rub it and tell yourself, “I am here right now. I am here right now.” Just remind yourself that this moment is a beautiful moment, and that it’s all that you have to do. It’s this moment right here.

Finally one more thing that you can do is notice thoughts that you were thinking and the speech that you were saying to yourself and switch it up and change it. One of the things that I love to do in the crosswalks out here on the streets, the real streets. Not those internet streets, but the real streets. I’ll tell myself, “Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better. Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better.”

If you practice saying that to yourself, what you will find is your mind will start looking for ways that that is true. Looking for the evidence that that is true in your life. So day by day in every way I’m getting better and better. Well what’s true for me at this particular moment is I’m calming down on the sugar. I’ve just stopped eating excessive sugar.

I’m looking at the ingredients of the food that I’m ingesting. If it has added sugar, I’m choosing not to partake. I’m not eating processed food. If something comes in a package, I’m checking it out. Well, why is it in this package? Is it here as a way of organizing these things? Counting? So a package of nuts is in a package as a way to count it. It’s not in a package because it’s been processed. When I do that, it helps me to monitor my ingestion of food. When I do that, I feel better. My levels don’t go all over the place. So I know that it’s true.

Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better. What else is true? Well, I recently returned to my weight training, and I’m doing weight training two to three times a week. So I’m doing a little bit of hand weights and using my own body weight to re-remind my body of what it can do. So day by day in every way I’m getting better and better. When I look for evidence, I can see it. I’m learning every day. I’m doing new things every day. I’m growing.

So what can we do in order to stay in this present moment? Not give ourselves the pain of the second arrow. Well first, we can notice our thoughts and notice if we’re ruminating about the past or casting ourselves far into the future and causing ourselves pain with worry and bring ourselves back to this moment. We can do the box method of breathing with inhaling for four, holding for seven, and exhaling our breath for a count of eight. We can use the box method.

We can bring ourselves back to this moment by just touching the corner of our shirt, a piece of cloth from our clothing, and bring ourselves back to this moment. We can narrate the day and tell ourselves exactly what am I doing at this moment? Tell yourself what you’re doing at the moment and bring yourself back to center. Finally we can affirm. We can affirm what we know to be true. Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better.

Now there is a lesson here in life. Here’s another teaching story. There was a guy who sat with a group of people, and he told a joke. He cracked the joke, and everybody laughed like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke. This time less people laughed. Then he cracked that same joke again and again, and there was no more laughter in the group. He’d smiled and said, “Hmm, you can’t smile at the same joke again and again, but why do you keep crying over and over about the same thing again and again?”

The truth is that things are going to happen. There are going to be things in our life that we perceive as negative. There are things that happen that we would prefer not to happen, but we do get to decide how we’re going to manage our thoughts about those things. When we decide to take good care of ourselves by coming back to the present moment and not inflicting the pain of the second arrow upon us, we can feel better. That’s what I want for you.

So we’ve reached the end of the Unlock Your Life podcast. This was episode 11, and we were discussing finding peace in the release. I hope this has been helpful to you.

If you enjoyed today’s show and don’t want to worry about missing another episode, you can subscribe and follow the show wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven’t already, I’d really love it if you could leave a rating and review. Let me know what you think and help others to find this Unlock Your Life podcast. It doesn’t need to be a five star review, but I sure hope you love the show. I want your honest feedback so I can create a great podcast that provides great value. Visit loriaharris.com/podcastlaunch for a step by step guide on how to follow, rate, and review the Unlock Your Life podcast today. Until next time, it’s your life. Make it a great one.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. If you want more information on how you can transform your life and do it quickly, visit loriaharris.com. See it on the next episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast.

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Unlock Your Life with Lori A. Harris | Building a Stronger Self-Image

Ep #10: Building a Stronger Self-Image

Unlock Your Life with Lori A. Harris | Building a Stronger Self-Image

When you go toward something you’ve never had, done, or experienced, it’s going to require some level of growth and changing your self-image. You have to be the person that is receiving and living the life you want, and you must do the things that the person who has these things would do.

Tapping into your heart’s desires requires a bigger self-image, and to build a belief in yourself, it’s important to constantly notice your thoughts about yourself as a person. How you talk to yourself is vital in creating an expansive life, and I’m showing you how to observe this and be kinder to yourself this week.

Join me this week as I show you how to build a stronger, more powerful belief in yourself to get to the next phase of your fantastic life. Building a bigger belief is foundational to this work, so I’m showing you the importance of celebrating your successes as you go along and how doing this will help you build a stronger self-image.

To celebrate the launch of this show, I am giving away a soft, cushy Unlock Your Life hoody to 5 lucky listeners who follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more about the contest and how to enter – I’ll be announcing the winner on an upcoming episode!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why we are not supposed to stay the same all the time.
  • The steps to build a bigger and stronger believing.
  • Why you can be, have, and do anything you want if you’re willing to work hard.
  • What makes us unique as individuals.
  • How to create what you want in your life.
  • Why you don’t need to know all of the steps to take when making a change.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

Well fam, it’s episode 10 of the Unlock Your Life podcast. This is Lori, and I’m here to talk to you about building a stronger self-image. You need to have a great self-image in order to get to the next phase of your fantastic life. Let’s get going.

Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast, a podcast for highly successful visionary women who want more out of life. If you feel that ache of unfulfillment in your soul, you’re in the right place sis. Join life mastery consultant Lori A. Harris as she teaches you how to stop living for others and finally put yourself first. Let’s dive into today’s show.

So how are you doing? I’m doing really well. The biggest thing that’s happening with me right now is I changed my hair. I had a variation of the same hairstyle for almost 30 years. Maybe 26/27. Basically, I’ve worn my hair in a hairstyle for a very long time. I decided to make a radical shift. I cut all of my locks off, and I have a short natural now. And I changed my hair color, and I lightened quite a bit. So it’s pretty radical when people are accustomed to seeing you a certain way, describing you a certain way, and then you do something as drastic as cutting off all your hair.

I fundamentally believe it’s a very healthy thing for women to do. I wore my hair very short when I was much younger, and I remember what it was like to get in touch with seeing my face, my real face. No hair to distract and to look at my face on a regular basis, which was kind of a window into who I am and what I’m thinking about on a regular basis.

So have you ever done that? Have you ever done a drastic change in your appearance that caused you to self-reflect and remind yourself that you are not your body? You have a body, but you’re not your body. When’s the last time you checked in with yourself and remembered to love on yourself, the real you. That core center you. That’s what I’m going through right now. I’d love to hear about it from you. So let me know.

So this week we’re talking about building a stronger self-image. Building a bigger and stronger believing, a believing in ourself. We are designed to continue to grow and expand and have a more expansive life all throughout life. If you look at nature, you can see that it goes through a spiral of expansion and growth. That’s the typical indicator of life. We are designed to be the same way. We’re not supposed to just stay the same all the time. What makes us unique and special individuals is placed inside of us. So it’s our job to grow and explore and to find out more and reveal more of ourselves to ourselves.

When we tap into our heart’s desires, that thing that lights us up, that makes us want to do more, be more, have more is going to require a bigger self-image. So in order to have more, it’s important to constantly build and notice our thoughts and the way that we talk to ourselves. We want to build a powerful and strong self-image.

According to Maxwell Maltz, a famous author of The Magic Power of Self-Image Psychology. He was a plastic surgeon. What he discovered in his work was he could completely transform whatever it was on a person’s body that made them feel less than. That made them feel ugly or out of sorts or out of alignment or somehow not in sync. He could do the physical work on their body to tweak and bring more symmetry to a person’s face or facial features. He could do that work for them. He could do the physical work, but the mental work had to be done by the person themselves.

So I live in Los Angeles. So it’s not uncommon to see people on a regular basis who have had obvious plastic surgery. Some changes to their physical appearance in an effort to improve their physical appearance. Some of it is quite successful, but some of it goes a little bit too far and things become out of sorts, out of alignment, out of symmetry. It becomes very obvious that this person is grasping. Grasping for something that appears to them out of reach. So they continue to change their physical appearance in an effort to have something that they don’t yet have.

The truth is to be more, do more, and to have more is going to require some level of growth and some level of changing your self-image. We’re going to need to build a stronger sense of believing because we’re going towards something that we’ve never yet had, never yet done, never yet experienced. So it would be natural to feel a little bit of hesitation, to feel a little bit of doubt, and maybe even a little bit of fear. That would be normal too.

The voice of doubt, shame, and guilt can come into our heads at very inopportune times when we are building something new. It’s important to distinguish that voice and know that it’s not always your voice. That voice feels like it is coming from inside of you is actually an outside voice. That’s an outside voice that comes from societal conditioning, from the patriarchy, from white supremacy. There are images that we get in our daily media diet from television and radio and social media that will sometimes suggest to us that we are less than. Suggest to us that we are wrong the way that we are born, the way that we came into this world.

So it’s important for us to be conscious of that and confront it head on. Because whatever’s going on in our subconscious mind is going to direct our outward lives. So we need to be able to notice those voices when they bubble up and confront them with the truth.

Now if you’re like me, you probably grew up in a household where your family told you you can do anything you want. You can have anything you want if you’re willing to work hard for it. If you’re willing to do the work, you can have and be and experience anything you want. At first, I didn’t understand what they meant by the work. When I reflect back, I can remember that my very first personal development book was introduced to me at age four.

When I was a little girl, I spent most of my time with my mother. We lived on Guam, and my mom had taught me how to read by the time I was four. My first self-help book was introduced to me by my mom, and it was The Little Engine That Could. I recently just repurchased that book in honor of my mom because it has this message. The message is I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I can remember my mom telling me, “You can do anything you want if you think you can.”

So if we remember the messages from our family, you can be, do, and have anything you want if you’re willing to work hard. Somehow, we’ve lost that message along the way, and we’ve confused the message of work hard. The work hard wasn’t get good grades, be a good student, work hard in getting extracurriculars in high school so you can have a fantastic college application. So that you can get into the right school. So you can do the right activities. So you can get a good internship. So you can get a good job. So you can get that, that, that, that. Whatever it is. That is not the hard work.

The hard work is to manage your mind and to stay in touch with your thinking, and to remember that first book. That first self-development, self-coaching you ever got was your mom standing on the other side of the room saying, “You can do it. Come here little baby. Walk to mama. Walk to me.” When you had that very first coach who was encouraging you to do it and telling you you can, it was, “Remember, believe that you can, and you will.”

So what’s the first step in building a bigger and stronger believing? Notice the thoughts that you’re thinking. When something comes in that kind of reflects a body shaming image or a negative image about your capabilities or what’s possible for you, confront it directly. Say, “Well, no. That’s not true. I’m merely growing. I’m going to take this first step.”

When you’re trying to do something new, it’s important to not get bogged down in the how of it all. How will you ever do all of those things in order to get to your destination? When you’re starting out, you don’t need to know all of the steps. You just need to know one. The first step. What’s one first step I could take in order to move my vision forward? And then take it.

When I say that, I know that that makes it sound overly simplistic. The decision to take the step in the direction of your dreams when you don’t know all of the steps can be daunting. Dr. King said, “I don’t have to know the whole stairway. I just have to get on that first step.” So you get on the ladder, that first rung. You keep going from there. Then you learn what the next step is when it’s time for you to take the next step. That next step will be revealed to you.

So I’ve got all the metaphors for you. The breadcrumbs, the rung on the ladder, the steps that you need to take. All of those things are true. All you have to do is step number one. Take that step with a sense of believing. A sense of knowing that it is going to work out. You don’t know how it’s all going to work out, but train yourself to believe that it is. Visualize success. Imagine what it would feel like if it were all working out. Put pictures together in your mind.

That’s how I prepare to do anything. I imagine what success looks like, and then I build a few pictures along the way. Signposts. It’s as if you were going on a trip, and you were going to drive from your current location to another location. You knew that there’s certain signposts along the way to get to your home, to your next location.

Now back in the day when I first bought my house, this is before we had MapQuest. Before we had Google and Waze and all the GPS devices that we’ve come to rely on. When I first bought my house, I would tell people how to get there, and I would give them sign posts. I would say you know you’re going in the right direction when you get to the 7-Eleven. Then you turn left. Then from 7-Eleven, you’ll come to the very first streetlight. At that streetlight, you turn right. Then you’re just gonna take one more left and then come to my house number. Then you’ll be there.

The same is true with life. You know you’re going the right direction when you see those signposts. These indications that I’m doing the right thing. I’m going the right direction. Then it’s important for you to celebrate those successes, to celebrate them as you go along.

So when you have a new idea, a new vision, a new dream, it’s important to build a sense of believing within yourself. To know what are the signposts that are going to tell me, “I’m going in the right direction along the way.” If I’m going in the right direction, what am I going to be doing? How am I going to be feeling? What’s it going to feel like? Smell like? Look like? Make sure you know those signposts.

Then when you see them, check them off as success. Check them off as I’m doing the right thing. Notice yourself going in the right direction. Visualize success. Then celebrate it as you continue to grow. Build on it, and then take time to notice the stories you’re telling yourself. Then do a truth check. Check in with yourself. Make sure that you’re telling yourself the truth. Be expectant.

One of the things that I love to tell my coaching clients is when you go to Starbucks, perhaps you have a signature drink. You tell the barista exactly what you want. You tell them. You make your order. Then you go to the end of the counter, and you expect to receive it exactly the way you ordered it with your name on it. So whatever is your signature drink, you go to the counter, and you order it. You don’t go behind the counter checking to make sure they’re doing it. Nope. You just walk to the end of the counter and expect to receive.

So in life, you can put in your order. You can ask boldly for the things that you would vote to have. Then you start being the kind of person that is receiving and living that life. You make decisions from that point of view. You act from that point of view. You do the things that that person does in order to have the life that that person has. You act like that person, and you do those things. Soon thereafter your life out pictures the things that are existing within your soul, your mind, your vision. Be the person that is being and then watch what happens.

Now one way you can build yourself up and build a stronger self-image is to check in with your friends. Ask them maybe on social media or start a text message thread. Ask them. If you were to describe me, how would you describe me? What’s three words you would use to describe me? Then have them give those back to you. Then you will learn how other people see you, your personality, your character, your skills, your talent. What kind of energy you bring to things. You can make a word cloud out of it, and keep it maybe as a screensaver on your phone. Think about it.

I’ve done this before. Most of my words that come back are authentic, loving, and fun. Sometimes sweet. Authentic, loving, and fun. Those are the words that people use often to describe me. It is helpful because it helps you keep going when you might feel discouraged.

So every time you think and say something critical about yourself, pause. Take a deep breath, and replace that critical thought or self-talk with self-complements. Make yourself a list of all of your 20 best attributes, and bring it back to mind whenever you feel low or feel tempted to be self-critical. Watch what happens. You will start the work of building a bigger believing. That is foundational to building an even better life than the one you have right now. Life can be great. Good is the enemy of great. We all want to live our very best life right here, right now in this moment. This is my invitation to you.

So we’ve done it again. We’ve reached the end of another episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. I continue to celebrate the launch of my podcast. What I’m looking for from you is reviews. I’d love for you to tell me how you’re receiving the podcast. I recently received an email from a listener that said, “Oh my goodness. I’m crying listening to your podcast. Thank you for sharing your gifts. It’s incredible, and I’m sharing it with my family. The best part is I took a step immediately, something that I had been avoiding.”

So these are the kinds of things that really keep me going. I love hearing from my listeners. So what can you do to help this show grow and become an even better podcast? Go to loriaharris.com/podcastlaunch. Subscribe, follow, rate, and review this show. I would love to get a five-star review, but more importantly I want to hear your awesome feedback. Let me know what I can do to make this show even better and bring even more value to you and your life. Perhaps your family too. Thanks for listening. It’s your life. Make it a great one.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. If you want more information on how you can transform your life and do it quickly, visit loriaharris.com. See it on the next episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast.

Enjoy the Show?

Listen on Apple PodcastsListen on SpotifyListen on Stitcher