Are you ready? You know most of life is about showing up and how we show up. So occasionally we will come to a point in our life when we notice we’re just kind of going through the motions. We’re just kind of pretending to be alive. We’re not really doing anything. We barely show up.

There are things that can happen that will jolt us back into reality. Maybe it’s a birthday that ends in a five or zero. Maybe it’s a 9/11. Maybe somebody died, or got born, got married, got divorced. But at some point, you wake up and you go whoa, what am I doing here? What am I doing with this one thing I call my life? Am I doing it? Am I showing up? Today, we’re going to culminate 52 episodes. We’ve talked about a few things. This week I’m asking you, what are you waiting for? Let’s get going.

Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast, a podcast for highly successful visionary women who want more out of life. If you feel that ache of unfulfillment in your soul, you’re in the right place sis. Join life mastery consultant Lori A. Harris as she teaches you how to stop living for others and finally put yourself first. Let’s dive into today’s show.

So ready or not life is happening. It’s happening right now. It can be tempting to put off the things that we would love to be, do, or have, to explore that part of ourselves that’s still curious about life. That still wants to be expressed and exposed to the light of day. I wonder if you ever have that feeling.

I suspect that you do. We’ve been talking together now for 52 episodes. Almost a year. We released a few episodes at one time. So while it is 52 episodes, it’s not quite a year, but we’re getting there. I’m excited about it. So ready or not, here I come. This thing called life is happening. It’s happening right now.

I’m reminded of my daughter in like the last year of middle school, first year of high school. She loved Vivienne Westwood. Everything was Vivienne Westwood. If ever she was invited to write a report about someone important, she’d talk about Vivienne Westwood. If she had to do a book report, she’d find a book about Vivienne Westwood.

Her teachers were a little bit concerned. Because Elizabeth would talk about Vivienne Westwood and the Sex Pistols and her influence on British fashion. It was quite moving for her. She loved her some Vivienne Westwood. So when Gwen Stefani started wearing Vivienne Westwood, she was all about it.

As I was preparing for this episode this week, I was reminded of Gwen’s song What Are You Waiting For? It’s such a fun song. So I looked it up. I see that there’s a whole music video that goes with the song. Obviously, naturally, there’s music video. In the video, Gwen is struggling with writer’s block. She’s waiting for inspiration to come upon her. She’s wanting something to happen in order for her to remove the writer’s block.

In the video, she finds out, like we all find out, that inspiration doesn’t come upon you. Confidence doesn’t come upon you. Creativity comes from action. Our confidence comes from action. So when I ask you what are you waiting for, I’m encouraging you, I’m imploring you to take some action, to not wait for inspiration to fall upon you. But let’s see what we can do to develop a routine.

Because there’s truly no right time for anything. There’s no right time to get started. Get started when you’re thinking about the thing. Get started when you discover the desire. Get started when you start to notice there’s something bubbling inside you. Take the time to discover and tell yourself the truth.

So what we’ve done in this past year is talked about a few things. We talked about noticing what you’re noticing. We talked about pausing and recognizing what is really going on as opposed to the thoughts and the meanings that we put upon a situation. To interrogate is that true? Is that accurate? Am I seeing this rightly? Is there another way to look at it?

We’re reminded that our perspective has a significant impact on our experiences. Because when we put meaning upon a situation, then we have thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and we take actions from that place. Sometimes we’re right. Sometimes we’re wrong. We need to be able to pause and recognize that.

So when we find ourselves waiting for motivation to kick in, waiting for inspiration to come upon us, waiting for the news to show up. We’re reminded that we can build our confidence by taking action. So when we decide what it is that we would love to be, do, or have, then we decide to take some small action in the direction of that one thing.

So in the song What Are You Waiting For? Gwen is kind of mean to herself. At some point, she yells at herself and she says, “Take a chance, you stupid ho.” Now what I want to remind you is, just like in the zone, when we’re unkind to ourselves, it kind of mires us in more quicksand. It makes it more difficult to get up and get the thing done.

So when you notice that you’re not doing the thing that you most love to do, celebrate that you’re noticing. Celebrate because only in that moment can you make a change. Only in the noticing of doing something contrary to what you really would desire can you do anything about it. Then rather than make it worse, that second arrow that we’ve talked about in previous episodes.

Rather than making it worse, you gently bring yourself back. Bring yourself back to center and remind yourself you’re on the same team. You want the same thing. You have the same desire. Kindly, as you would like a little one, someone that you love, kindly bring yourself back to center, and say it’s okay. We can get going again. Let’s stop. Let’s pause. Let’s come up with an approach to get the thing done. Let’s do the do, as my friend Gina, another coach, might say.

So as you get started with making the decision to move forward with the thing that lights you up, then you can break it down into smaller pieces and come up with an action plan. An action plan to get the thing going for you. If you take small, daily steps, then you can see progress being made. So you want to break your tasks down in the smallest, most minute tiniest pieces so that it’s something that’s clear and identifiable, and it’s not generalized.

I hate to talk about weight. So we’re not going to talk about let’s lose 20 pounds, and let’s do it by the fall. You could do it that way. You could talk about your weight. You could decide that you want to lose weight, come up with a number, break it down into smaller increments, and then come up with tasks to do. But in my 60 years of living, I’m exhausted with talk about body weight and body image. I know that I have better things to occupy myself with.

Not that I don’t care about my appearance. But I just don’t want to engage in this platform, talking about weight. We can break other things down into smaller tasks other than our weight. We get break down making a monetary goal, generating new income, and what that might look like and what we might do. We could decide that we would love to create something, perhaps a writing project, and come up with a plan.

So first, we could just brainstorm ideas. What might I love to write about? Come up with certain ideas. From that we could select the ideas really have some fire for us. Like oh, I really like this topic. I want to explore it. With that, we could decide to make an outline. From the outline, we could decide to break it into chapters. From the chapters, we could decide what will be my first step? What will be the first paragraph that I will write?

While it might seem daunting to think about writing a whole book and how long is it going to take? How many words is it take to create a book, a true book? Is it 75,000 words? How many pages does that work out to? Is it about 200 pages that make up a true respectable book?

I’m going to invite you to reframe it, to rethink it. Think about what it is that you would love to create and why you want to create it. Is there a story inside you that’s dying to get out? Is there information inside you that you really want to share? That you know that would be helpful to other people? Rather than the judgment of what would be worthy for other people, what can you do to be helpful to other people? What can you do to be creative, to bring joy to the world?

I love artists, and I love art. Art is created by artists. So it’s important for us to remember and respect the creators in our life. Because I find these people to be particularly vulnerable and particularly brave. I’m reminded of a story that Martha Graham is referred to, and she’s talking to another artist. That artist is lamenting the fear of doing a project that’s not well received by others or is not good.

Martha Graham says, I really just decided it’s my job to make the art. It’s my job to put it out there. It’s my job to respond to that creative force and allow it to come from me. It is not my job to decide if it’s good. That’s not my job. My job is to put it out there and to get it out there into the world.

So I invite you to think about those things that light you up, that you would love to see in the world, that you would love to be, do, have, or create. Then allow them to come forward. Don’t worry about whether or not somebody else will think you’re good. Don’t beat yourself up about whether or not you can deem it good.

Allow yourself to show up for the work. Whether it’s writing a motion for work and feeling really paralyzed in daunted by looking at that flashing cursor on the very, very blank screen. Start. Start with what you know. Start with that very first sentence. Start and allow that thing to flow through you.

Start. Stop waiting. Waiting is not going to get you where you want to go. Waiting will keep you from having what you really want to have. So it doesn’t have to start on Monday. You don’t have to wait until the first of the year. You don’t have to wait until the start of the fiscal year. You don’t have to wait until winter solstice or spring solstice or summer solstice.

Start. Get going. Stop allowing the waiting game to keep you from experiencing that part of yourself that you’ve not yet discovered. Stop waiting. We’ve talked about this all year. Notice what you’re noticing. Pause and reflect. Make a decision and then take action. You know you’ve made a decision when you move from just being in thought and you pair it with an action. When you’ve made the decision about the thing that you will do, be, have pursue, take a step daily. Organize yourself. Know what small daily step you will take and develop the habit of celebrating your wins.

I’m celebrating with you that I’ve done 52 episodes, and my producers will tell you it has not been easy for me. There are lots of things they would love for me to do differently. But I’m celebrating that I came up and I showed up to get 52 shows out there. Celebrate your wins so that you can build a foundation to have more.

As we go into the next season for the Unlock Your Life podcast, you can look forward to a little bit change in format. I’m going to be doing things in more of a seasoned format point of view. So it will be a defined container for you to move through and meet goals with me. We might do a little bit of updated branding, and it will all come out one year anniversary for the Unlock Your Life podcast.

I’m gonna leave you with a fun poem, The Waiting Place by Dr. Seuss. “The waiting place for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come or plane to go or the mail to come. Or the rain to go or the phone to ring or the snow to snow or the waiting around for yes or no. Or waiting for their hair to grow.

“Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for fish to bite or waiting for when to fly a kite. Or waiting around for a Friday night. Or waiting for perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a week with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting. No, that’s not you. Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where the boom bands are playing.”

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. This was episode number 52. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. If you want to help the show grow an audience and help even more people, you can rate and review the show. Go to Apple podcast, follow, rate, and review.

Let us know what you love about the show and how we might improve. You can give us a rating from one to five. We’d love a five star review, but more importantly, we want to know how we can best serve you. Thank you for listening to the Unlock Your Life podcast. Remember, it’s your life. Make it a great one and how we do it. I’d love to hear from you. Sign up for the mailing list. Thanks.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. If you want more information on how you can transform your life and do it quickly, visit loriaharris.com. See it on the next episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast.

If the quality of our life is determined by the quality of questions we’re asking, and you look around at your life and you don’t like everything that you see. Perhaps you don’t like anything that you see. Maybe it’s time to start asking a better question. Maybe it’s time for a question to know.

I’m Lori A. Harris. I’m an award winning transformational coach, and it’s my great honor and duty to help you live a life that gives you life. Today, we’re going to be talking about three powerful questions that will move your life in a forward direction, that will get you unstuck when you’re feeling stuck, and help you to get more in alignment with a love and a life that you absolutely love living. Let’s get going.

Welcome to the Unlock Your Life podcast, a podcast for highly successful visionary women who want more out of life. If you feel that ache of unfulfillment in your soul, you’re in the right place sis. Join life mastery consultant Lori A. Harris as she teaches you how to stop living for others and finally put yourself first. Let’s dive into today’s show.

So think about it. Sometimes we find ourselves living lives that are not the ones we planned or dreamed of. Sometimes we live lives for other people. Sometimes we’re living other people’s dreams. Sometimes we simply fall out of touch with ourselves. We have an inner knower. We have an inner winter. But somehow along the way, we lose touch with that part of ourselves that knows exactly what to do and knows exactly what we want.

We turn around and we find ourselves living the same unfulfilling life, day after day, week after week, month after a month. Sometimes it’s not because we want to. Sometimes it’s because we’ve become strongly attached to a particular identity. We can’t imagine ourselves doing anything else.

Sometimes we’re living the dream or the fantasy of someone important in our life. Maybe our mom went off to college and always wanted to be a lawyer but didn’t think she had what it takes to become a lawyer. So she never did. She talked about it all the time in your family of origin, and really encouraged you to go to law school. So you might find yourself practicing law or doing a job that you never really gave a lot of thought to. If you tell yourself the truth, you don’t want to do.

Many people find themselves on that track. My mom was a teacher. My dad was a teacher. My sister is a teacher, and my brother is a teacher. I guess it just makes sense for me to become a teacher. It only makes sense to become a teacher if that’s what you really want to do.

So the very first question is the question what do I want? As we go through these three questions, these three questions will ultimately lead to a final question that you are absolutely able to answer as bonus question, if you will. So the first question is what do I want? What do I want?

Sometimes we get out of the habit of checking in with ourselves and just knowing what we want. We’re unable to make decisions. It’s hard for us even going to a restaurant. We look at the menu and we look at the price before we look at the ingredients. We check with our friends. Well, what are you going to have? We lose our ability to make a decision.

So the first thing is just to spend some time in quietude to determine what is it that I really want. If I could do anything at all in the world with my time and my talent, what would I be doing? What part of my creativity is not yet being expressed that I would love to explore and express? What am I doing with my health and my relationships?

What do I want? Do I want to be a traveler? Do I want to be an adventurer? Do I want to take a class? Do I want to redecorate my house? Do I want a new house? Do I want to move? Do I want to leave California or some other state? Do I want to leave my job? Do I want a new position? Do I want a promotion? Do I want to explore something new? The very first question that you must ask yourself is what do I want?

Now once you’ve given serious consideration, thoughtful consideration to the question of what do you want, and you gain some clarity. You’ve given yourself time to listen to your inner wanter, to listen to your inner knower. Once you’ve done that, I’m gonna recommend invite you to write it down. Because as you write it down, more information will be revealed to you. It can be a journal exercise. What do I really want? If anything was possible and I can be, do, or have anything, what do I want?

Maybe you want a closer relationship with a member of your family. Maybe you want to heal a brokenness that is you’ve experienced between the two of you. Ask yourself the question what do I want even if there’s a part of you that thinks that desire is crazy or that desire is unattainable. At least tell yourself the truth and discover what do I want.

Now, the next thing that you must do in order to have the experience of getting, being, doing what you want. The next thing you need to do is to check in with yourself and look at your life at this particular moment versus the projected, the thing that you want that you don’t yet have in your experience. Look at that then ask yourself what do I need to stop doing or start doing in order to experience that?

So that’s two questions. What do I need to stop doing in order to experience this thing that I’ve discovered that I really want? So stop doing. Sometimes we get into habits. Sometimes we get into routines, and we get stuck in a groove.

We do the same thing over and over and over again without much thought, without giving it any consideration to is this the thing that I want to be doing. Is this the thing that’s going to lead me to greater satisfaction and positivity in my life? Or is it merely a habit? So what do I need to stop doing in order to experience this light that I’ve designed on paper, that I’ve given some thought to and decided yeah, I’d really love that. What do I need to stop doing?

Now one thing that I know about many of my listeners, the people who love to listen to this podcast, and those that are in my coaching community is that you are helpers. You’re givers. You are people who love to be of service. Also your high achievers.

One thing that I’ve noticed about my clients and listeners to the podcast is sometimes it’s difficult to step away from a behavior that has become a habit, that has become comfortable, that has become our go to tool for making things happen in our life. Even if it’s no longer working. Even if it’s not as effective as it might want to have been.

Sometimes we have habits and routines that we are doing, but they no longer serve us. It requires us to give up an element of control. So sometimes we get a little bit controlling, a little bit anxious. We think to ourselves, I can’t do that. Because if I do this, this, this, and this will happen. We snowball a scenario in our minds that has not yet happened. We snowball a catastrophe in our minds that is not a guarantee.

So we hold on tight. Sometimes holding on tight can produce a bit of anxiety. We delude ourselves with having a sense of control when the first thing we often should do and are reluctant to do is to stop doing, to surrender, and to recognize that some things are beyond our control. So what do you need to stop doing?

I’m going to share a story with you about one thing I needed to do when I was at a crossroads in my life. I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 14 years old. I had been hanging out with my aunt. I noticed that she was having an impact in helping a lot of people.

I was with her when she took and passed the bar exam. What I noticed is everybody made a really big deal out of it. I was about 11 or 12 when she took the bar exam. I just noticed how everyone thought it was such a big deal. Oh, she took the bar. She passed the first time. The California bar is so difficult. Good job, good job. I’m so proud of her good job.

Now, my aunt was a person that I had known to be quite bright. So the fact that she took him half the bar exam didn’t really impact me. I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. But at age 14 when I decided I wanted to be a lawyer, I decided also, not consciously but in the back of my mind, I decided to go ahead and start worrying about the bar exam.

So at age 14, I worried if I became a law student and then took the California bar exam, would I pass? So then with that thought came a lot of concerns. Worries. So if I didn’t pass, well what would it mean about me? If I didn’t pass, what would people think of me? If I didn’t pass, how would I ever survive? So these things were thoughts that were rolling around my head, and it made it very difficult.

So I’m going through high school. I haven’t finished high school, but I’m worried about the bar exam. I’m going through college. I haven’t finished college, but I’m worried about the bar exam. Now, fast forward, I’m actually in law school. I choose a school that’s accredited, and I take the safe route. I do what I think I can do. Then I sit for the bar exam.

I spent a lot of time worrying about the bar exam. Not necessarily studying, but I really spend a lot of time worrying and being concerned about what will people think of me, what will people say about me? So most of my time, effort, and energy went toward creating an outcome that I actually didn’t want. So I failed the bar exam.

Fast forward the next time I was studying for the exam, I had to surrender. I had to give up some things that I had been committed to doing for 14 years, worrying about the bar exam. I had to give that up. I had to stop and put my efforts in to preparing for the bar exam and preparing my mind to pass the bar exam. So rather than playing out scenarios of failure in my mind, I started playing scenarios of success. I began to plan for when I passed the bar exam. No longer if, but when. When I made that shift, I passed the bar exam.

Now one of the things that was interesting to me that I noticed was it came with the surrender. It came with recognizing there’s some things I don’t have control over, but there are some things that I do have control over. So I’m going to do my very best with the things that I have control over and then release the things that I don’t. I surrendered. In surrendering, it gave me more space and more expansion so that I can get to the solutions I needed to creatively think so that I can do what needed to be done.

The bar exam was not about being smart or not being smart. The bar exam is about creating a strategy and following it through. The first thing in any strategy is to believe that it will succeed and look for evidence that it will succeed, and then make decisions based on that evidence.

Now, the next thing that you can do is ask yourself what do I need to start doing in order to succeed? In order for me to get to that clarity, that dream, that desire that I radically told the truth to myself about, what do I need to start doing? So if you decided to spend less time on social media, maybe you can start making tiny moves in the direction of your desire, your dream. Make one small effort every day to make it happen.

I often work with people who have served some time in incarceration. Their steps are very much like our steps, even though we’re not in custody. Because at some point a person who’s incarcerated, they have to accept that there are elements of their life that they don’t have control over. With doing that then they’re able to say well, here I am. I’m in this situation. What will I do with this experience? How will I move forward?

That can be very difficult, particularly for people who don’t have a projected parole date or release date. These people have to decide, the responsible person must decide, what will I do with this one precious life I have? I find myself locked up. How will I behave? So I imagine that there are certain decisions that have to be made.

There are rules within a custodial setting. If one decides to go with the rules, it might reduce the level of violence that you’re exposed to. There are cultural norms within a custodial institution. In order to succeed within this institution, people have to figure out how to walk that line so that they can keep themselves safe and keep themselves out of trouble. So when one is in our custodial situation, much like those of us who are not, there are things that we must decide to stop doing in order to succeed. There are things that we must decide to start doing in order to change the trajectory of our lives.

So the question is, what do I want? What do I want, honestly, and you allow yourself to journal in quietude to discover the things that would light you up. You stop doing things that necessarily no longer serve you. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to be a both and. It’s okay to have more in your life. You don’t have to restrict yourself to certain identities or boxes. So allow yourself to dream. Ask yourself, what do I want? Write it down.

Then we’re gonna go with the next question. What do I need to stop doing in order to move this thing forward? Maybe you need to stop spending so much time on social media. Maybe you need to edit your friends and people who don’t make you feel good. Spend less time with them. Maybe you need to stop watching TV.

Or maybe you need to give up an element of feeling as if you need to control everything and allow yourself to surrender to more ease. What do I need to stop doing in order for me to love this life? What do I need to start doing? What are the things that I think that I would love to be, do, or have? What would I love to experience? What can I do to move that forward?

You don’t have to know all the answers, but you can get started. One thing that’s important for us to realize is how we talk to ourselves makes a huge difference. So building confidence comes from taking action. It’s not from having the perfect solution. It’s not something that we can think our way through.

Building confidence comes from taking action and then learning from those action steps. Sometimes the actions will be the perfect action. It will lead to another action and will move us forward. Sometimes the action that we have chosen to take will be a not yet. We can decide how we want to respond to that.

We could call it a failure. We can say hey, I’m going to fail fast and fail often. Because as I learned what not to do, it gets me closer to the thing I want to do, the thing I need to do. So what meaning are we giving to the things that don’t work out? Confidence comes from action. So we want to ask ourself, what do I need to start doing in order to move this forward?

So we got our three questions. What do I want? What do I need to stop doing to move this thing forward? What do I need to start doing in order to move this thing forward? The bonus question that will come that will tie this all together to our first question is who Am I? Who am I, and what do I want?

I am Lori A Harris. I’m a transformational life coach and lawyer. What I love doing is helping my clients have an experience more freedom. I do that with teaching my clients transformational tools that will help them move their life forward. So with this question tune up, I hope that you had some value from it.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. Let them know three things they can do to move their life forward. If you really liked it, go to Apple podcasts, rate, follow and review the show. This is the way that we can grow our audience and help even more people. This is episode 51 of the Unlock Your Life podcast. It’s been my great honor and privilege to speak with you this week. I can’t wait to speak to you again. Remember, it’s your life. Make it a great one.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast. If you want more information on how you can transform your life and do it quickly, visit loriaharris.com. See it on the next episode of the Unlock Your Life podcast.